I guess it’s been a while since I had a rant. Whatever
I haven’t really displayed much emotion publicly at all ever-it’s uncomfortable and unfamiliar. So I generally have no problem doing tarot meditation while I drink one too many coffees. It’s whatever.
Asked a question, focused on the points of life that needed clarity, pulled a card whose meaning was EVERYTHING I already know, I just needed something, someone to confirm it and bam, tears, in the middle of the cafe.
I saw a bunch of posts about hating people that talk about the new year bringing a new start and how one month rolling into the next doesn’t change things.
It does. It’s symbolic and huge for people that are moving past personal trauma. I count down the days as a reminder of where I’ve been and where I’m heading. Forward.
Maybe Facebook or tumblr arent the right outlet for this, maybe everyone thinks I’m an over sharer but I’m over giving too much thought to that. The discussions about picking up and living your life after being in a mental lock seem to be directed at women in an older demographic-it’s really been eating at me that my experiences have been written off as me being dramatic, attention seeking, ill formed because of my age. It’s in part why I couldn’t break away for so long-lack of support. It’s why so much of this has been left unsaid. I’m still sifting through the aftermath and dealing with being told that no I never experienced any sort of abuse, there’s no bruises so it can’t be so. Some days I actually want believe that because it’s easier to swallow, but that’s how we land ourselves right back where we started.
I really just want to open the discussion in hopes that someone will see this/hear this or someone else’s path through whatever it may be and find that they can get out and find support, that just because they are in their teens or twenties doesn’t invalidate their trials.
I am confident that yes, the turning of the year will bring about change for me, because I’ve put the work in and found my voice. I want to help other women feel the same.
